This is a story of a gal. If whoever reads this should be you, you know who you are, it should already be well past your Alevels. Maybe you would have already crossed the line which I feel it’s unlikely maybe you have not. But if you are reading this, it could only mean 2 things:
1) It is over and you want to know what I wanted to say which than wasn’t the right timing.
2) It is still on going, you are still at the same spot, maybe moved an inch, but not enough
You wouldn’t be reading this though I guess if he managed to make it though. If he has changed and he is what you found that is worth waiting for. Unlikely? I predict so. 95% sure. I give him 5% benefit of a doubt.
Have you ever wondered why you were ever in that state for over a year? Yes. Over a year if you haven’t even realized it. Ever wondered what a year can actually do? How much you have actually missed out in life? Have you ever wondered what is it what you really want? And why are you behaving as such? Or have you just simply chucked it all aside and not wanting to face them cos it’s painful? I don’t know and don’t want to know. Or rather I know a little.
You are easily satisfied as well as easily hurt. You’re not as strong as you think you are maybe cos you were too dependant on others. On him rather. So much so that you have become very sensitive and you feel very uncomfortable with the blinding fact that he is not what you thought him to be. What kept things going was the small outings where you felt wanted and loved. Loved? Really is that what it is? But are you really lacking love? Or have you been passing it by? Ever wondered why you even went on a relationship with him in the first place? Or rather why do people go on a relationship these days only to end up with a broken heart? Maybe you have thought of it and you dun want to end up with a broken heart. But only to find out that the longer you hold on to it, the more painful it becomes and harder it takes to get over it.
Getting sick? Face the facts!
You know deep inside what the outcome will be but you keep pushing it aside cos you’re afraid that you might regret. You keep having the hope that he might change. But so what if he changes? Will he change to something you really want? 1yr and you are still waiting? Commendable indeed but stupid as well. Are you really scared that you will have to face loneliness alone? Or too proud to lose? You are scared of being single but there are so many people out there who are single and who seems to be so much more sensible izzant it? You know it yourself.
Ever wondered how come it had been coming harder and harder to talk about him to me? It’s not that difficult to know izzant it. It’s because I have grown tired of your whining, of you knowing that you might not even be with him in the end but yet still stubbornly clinging so tightly on to it. And not just for a short while, but for a yr! And what’s more, did you ever know that it is so painful for me to watch you sink deeper and deeper and yet unable to do anything? Not that I can’t do anything. I can! I can easily, I say again, easily, manipulate you into breaking up with him. But what’s the use? At the end of the day, you might just find another and end up at the same tangle again. In times like this, you’re all alone, nothing else matters, whatever people say to cheer you up only lasts for a short period of time. It takes your own will power to make the decision and move on. That’s where we grow and learn from mistakes. The harder you fall, the stronger you become. That is what you have to become.
One thing dreadful about the 4letter word is that it is so blind. Blinds you into thinking that he/she belongs to you when he/she is already miles away. Blinds you into making the stupidest decisions you’ll ever make. Blinds you into making silly sacrifices for someone who doesn’t give a damn about you. And at the end of the day, you blame him. But face it! You are the one to be blamed! Cos you knew it would happen.
I do agree to a certain extend that you did know what you wanted. But you were too narrow minded. How long can you actually wait. At the expense of your studies? At the expense of what your parents have given you? At the expense of your OWN LIFE? At the expense of what other useful stuffs you could have learnt and picked up?
Why are you here in the first place? Izzant that of greater importance? Remember the 2 promises I asked you to keep? It wasn’t without any reason. Some things can’t be forced. It has to be decided by the individual.
I myself can’t believe the patience that I had given to you. Even after I refused to talk to you, I still asked others to take care of you, watch over you and pray for you. Maybe someday they might just tell you. But one thing for sure. It sure izzant easy to watch you suffer like that. So much so when you keep putting a false front trying to ensure everyone that you are fine when you know all so well deep inside that everything is not the way it should be and I know it. Just that I have to keep quiet. Just so that I might just be able to divert your attention into studying by not talking about him. So with me, it is studies that matters. Nothing else does. The time is too limited for you to make any drastic changes.
Stop being stubborn will you? Please open your eyes and know what is it you want. Is this what’s important for you at present? Or are there other more important things waiting for you to do? Are you really scared of being lonely? You do have true friends waiting behind you know. Can you not carry destroying yourself? Your life? Your future? Can you wake up from your dream coming nightmare?
The choice is yours. The ball is in your own court. You know it, than face it! Cos if others can do it, why can’t you? What’s more, you even have people showing so much concern for you! Hopefully you just might come to your senses. Else I assure you 100%, you are going to suffer ever so badly. It is a blinding fact which all but you yourself know. Even the seemingly strongest relationship you know is actually already among the rocks. Cos teens these days don’t look into the details of the future. They don’t know what they want. Or rather nv did give a thought to it.
